- Published on 21 February 2016
- Written by Online Correspondent
MAI CHISAMBA, thank you so much for your column, now we can write to someone who is independent of our families and get fair solutions pasina tsvete or favour.
I am a happily married man aged 36 and my beloved wife is 34. We are blessed with two kids, a boy aged 12 and a girl who is 10. I enjoy doing household chores, I help most of the time. I cook, do laundry, clean and so on. My wife is hard working too, at times we alternate our duties. We are both gainfully employed but still we enjoy cooking for ourselves even though we have a maid.
Sometime last year my mother came to our house unannounced and found me busy working in the kitchen while my wife was taking a nap. She got so upset and wanted to know whether my wife was sick or not. When I told her that it was my turn all she said was zirema. I made her a cup of tea which she refused to take. When my wife finally came to join us in the lounge mai vanga votofemereka nehasha. I was shocked by what my mother did, she just did not have any kind words for my wife – she complained bitterly kuti ndakadyiswa. My wife was so confused she did not know what amai was up to. Before we calmed her down my sister drove in and said tauya kuzotora mai.
After this Mai Chisamba, there was drama in the family. My sisters even tetewo my father’s sister munhu mukuru suggested kuti vafambe neni ndinorutsiswa. I do not even understand what this means. The family relations have been so strained ndiri kungoudzwa zvakawanda about my wife. My mother has vowed never to set foot at my house again until vafamba neni because I am no longer normal. We later discovered that the maid ndiye aitaura with my sisters kuti hanzvadzi yenyu chave chitototo chaicho. They have isolated my wife and she is so unhappy. Please advise me could it be true that ndakadyiswa? Should I listen to what my mother and family are saying? Pane zvine mukadzi wangu here zvandisingaone? All we did is to continue the lifestyle that we had when we worked out of the country for 10 years.
Thank you so much for reading my column. It is most refreshing to hear about people who are so much in love. You sound as if you are still at your romantic stage even if you have been married for more than a decade, well done I give you full marks for that. How I wish more couples would emulate that.
To me you are a perfect couple taking turns to help each other, that is awesome. If I were in your shoes the first thing would be to relieve the maid of her duties with immediate effect. Instead of giving her the official three months’ notice, pay her off because she will undo whatever you try to work on because of her relationship with your people.
It is shameful that your sister fished for information from muroora’s maid, that is sinking very low. I think your mother overstepped her limits. She was bossy and arrogant for nothing. Your letter says you enjoy helping out so these are things that you are not compelled to do. Her confrontation with your wife was uncalled for. In my view you are actually an extra normal guy who wants the best for his family, do not be intimidated hapana kudyiswa apa.
If you worked for 10 years out of the country it falls into place that you are used to doing the chores because out there it is not easy to get domestic service. My advice is do not degrade yourself by going kunorutsiswa, there is nothing wrong with you.
Do not listen to anyone who talks against your wife regarding this issue hapana chaakatadza. If your mother does not want to come to your house because she found you doing what you enjoy best let it be, she shall see sense later. I suggest you go and talk nana sekuru and mbuyas from your mother’s side and explain your stance.
Mai vakataurwa navo your sisters will follow suit because vari kungotevedzera sezvireyi kana kuti ngoro. In the meantime continue doing what you love best. Enjoy your marriage, wedzerayi rudo there is nothing wrong with both of you. The isolation will come to pass hapana akatadzirwa saka hapana nyaya. Always pray for your families there is immense power in prayer. Be of good cheer and take care.