- Published on 20 July 2016
- Written by Online Correspondent
In this article I’ll show you exactly how to get laid on the first date from how to greet her to how to take off her pants: every step is covered in meticulous detail. These tactics have been refined to a science over the last decade and a half and I promise you guys, this shit is for real.
If I’ve met the girl from day game I won’t do heavy se_xual screening before the date because of the time invested to meet them, meeting girls on foot is much less efficient than online. Also the girls I meet during the day are usually hotter than the ones online so they’re more valuable to me.
It’s up to you if you want to screen a girl before the date, your odds of getting a first date lay will go up but your odds of getting her to meet up will go down. I would say if you have high se_xual market value and a ton of prospects it’s a good idea to se_xually screen before the date, if you have fewer options you should probably ease up on the screening and aim to convert the girl on the date but it’s a judgement call on your part.
So, to get started you need to get your mind right and assume the close but at the same time don’t be too attached to it because that neediness will show through. Since you’re assuming you’re going to have se_x that day, the first thing you need to do is your se_x preparation.
If there’s a good chance you’re going to be having se_x with a new girl there are a couple of things you should do before you meet up with her. You want to make sure you’ve eaten a balanced meal at least three hours before the date, anything closer will f*ck up your stamina. You should also avoid caffeine because it stimulates your nervous system, making it harder to get an ere_ction, especially if you’re already nervous.
Your Frame For The Date
You want to come across as relaxed, charming, confident, polite and most importantly, normal. She wants to be relieved you’re not a creepshow so she can feel comfortable enough to f*ck you.
Your Clothes For The Date
By the time she shows up you should be freshly showered, groomed and in nice clean clothes. As with anything else in life, first impressions mean everything. If you have a nice body, you should wear a tight t-shirt or sweater. Check out my fashion guide here for more ideas.
I usually wear sweatpants at home, but that’s not a good first impression, so at least put on some nice jeans. If the girl is tall I will wear my boots, which give me an extra inch and a half. For you shorter guys I would suggest the same thing. One thing you should avoid if you can is wearing socks. There is no graceful way to take your socks off and you want your transition to se_x to be as smooth as possible.
The first thing you need to do as far as setting up goes is make sure that your place is clean, especially your bathroom. It’s not that she won’t f*ck you if your bathroom is dirty, but it’s just not a good look. You should also have condoms within arm’s reach of your bed and a bottle of wine in the fridge in case she needs a drink to loosen up.
Aim to get to the venue on time but don’t worry about her getting there before you because she’ll be at least five minutes late, usually 10. This gives you enough time to get your drink and find a comfortable table away from other humans that faces the door. You also want to adjust the table and chairs so you can easily slip out and give her a hug so that her first impression of you is not you awkwardly struggling to stand up.
On a coffee date, if you have a rare unicorn who gets there on time you can buy her a coffee or whatever she wants. For the average girl who shows up late, let her get up and get her own drink while you message other girls on Tinder. Definitely do not go back, wait in line and pay again for a girl who showed up late.
I always try to avoid alcohol dates but I will go to a bar if the girl insists. In that situation, what she’s saying when she insists is that she won’t be able to go through with having se_x with you without some booze in her.
Coffee dates are a better setup than drink dates for a few reasons. First, the price. Coffee dates will cost you about $5, while booze is $30 at the minimum. If you’re a serious player those costs add up. Also, after a couple drinks, your ere_ction strength goes down and so does your cardio, especially if you’ve been drinking beer, which means you won’t be able to put on a peak performance. From just two or three drinks my se_x cardio is down to about 80 percent.
Greet, Touch And Compliment
The first thing you want to do when a girl walks in is stand up, tell her it’s nice to meet her and give her a hug. Once she’s settled in I always make sure to pay her a compliment on her looks. This will immediately put her at ease, all women are insecure about their looks. This also sets the tone for se_x happening by showing her that you’re se_xually attracted. Ideally she’ll compliment you back but it’s no problem if she doesn’t. If she didn’t like your look then she wouldn’t be there.
As you’re releasing the hug, gently usher her into her seat. I’ll usually put my hand on her elbow or lower back and say: “have a seat,” not in a commanding way but in a friendly, polite way. Sometimes I’ll pull out her chair if I can reach. This is how you lead with polite dominance.
Remember, you’re a se_xual salesman so treat her as if she was your client in business. That means you’re on your good behavior. Forget this “being an a$shole” routine that many pickup artists follow, it will work against you. What you’re selling is polite confidence, se_x appeal and that you’re a winner. Everyone wants to do business with a winner.
At the start you’ll usually need to do most of the talking, or at least most of the leading of the conversation. It will probably be about 80/20 your way, but you should be able to get it down to 50/50 within a few minutes. The easiest way to make a girl feel comfortable is to get her engaged and talking about herself. You do that by asking her questions.
To get a woman feeling comfortable, I start asking her questions. I use a ton of questions, there is no topic girls like more than talking about themselves. I try to do as little talking as possible. Talking about herself and having you respond positively with insightful questions makes her feel that she’s really connecting with you.
Some example questions I’ll ask are: “Where did you go to school?”, “What do you do for work?”, “Whereabouts do you live?”, “Did you grow up in the city?” No segues are needed for these questions. When you watch a lot of the best comedians they don’t use segues either because they just become engaged with whatever topic is at hand
When you’re talking to a woman you always want to be in rapport with her. Your goal should be to never break rapport or outright contradict what she says. Even light teasing is still part of rapport. A tease is not a “neg,”a tease should be done playfully and in the spirit of fun.
Se_x is the ultimate rapport, so you should start building up to that from the second you meet her. You almost always want to be in agreement with what she’s saying. If she says: “I can’t believe the streetcar was so crowded on the way over here, it’s so annoying,” you should answer with something like, “Ya I bet, that sounds really annoying.”
If she says she just finished her degree and is so excited about her new job you want to say something like: “That’s awesome, that sounds like a really exciting field.” You want to empathize and filter back whatever emotion she’s projecting to you.
Being in rapport doesn’t mean you should be passive, though. You should always be leading the action and if a girl starts on a negative topic you need to steer her back to positive things. Let’s say a girl is getting angry because she had to wait 30 minutes for the bus I’ll say: “That sucks you had to wait so long. Hey, I forgot to ask, how was that art exhibit you went to this weekend?”
Once the topic has been covered or you’re stalling out, just ask her another question. Let’s say you’ve been talking about what she’s taking in school for 10 minutes and you’re stalling out. You can ask her what she likes to do for fun or what kind of music she listens to.
Just repeat the question and vibe loop until she asks about you. When (or if) she asks about you, you should have a couple of cool, normal hobbies you do. I use the gym and hot yoga. Make sure your hobbies are relatable to her. If she’s intelligent I’ll talk about the books I read, if she’s dumb I’ll talk about partying.
You can talk about yourself for a bit but you always want to flip it back to her. People feel most comfortable when they have an attentive audience. I learned this in my sales training. Clients don’t want to hear about you, they want to talk about themselves and for you to actively listen.
I usually don’t bother with se_x talk, if I’ve met the girl online, se_x is already assumed from my hardcore screening so my goal is just to make her feel comfortable f*cking me. If it’s a girl who hasn’t been screened, talking about se_x can make her uncomfortable.
If you want to put se_x on the table verbally you can bring it up casually, if she’s cool with it you can continue but if she gets uncomfortable – change topics. Also, don’t think just because she’s uncomfortable with se_x talk doesn’t mean she won’t f*ck, a lot of girls are just shy. At the end of the day it’s a judgement call on your part but not necessary at all.
Asking Her To Leave
This is where the rubber meets the road. There is no perfect time to ask her home with you, your best bet is to ask her to leave when you think she feels comfortable. It’s also a good idea to wait until she’s finished her drink. This can be anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour depending on how relaxed she is.
Remember the point of the date is to prove you’re a cool, se_xy normal guy that she can feel safe going home with. The money line is: “you wanna get outta here?”, although this is technically a question, you should deliver it as a statement.
That means you deliver it with a neutral, casual tone as opposed to an upwards inflection like you normally would with a question. When you say it like this you’re implying that it’s already been decided that she’s coming over and asking her is just a formality, this means she’ll have to break rapport with you to say no.
This is a very important distinction, if you ask her if she wants to come over it makes it much easier for her to say no because your question gives her permission to say no. Also it’s very important to hold eye contact the entire time, if she sees you look down or away it shows weakness and will make it easier for her to say no or question her decision.
Many times she’ll hesitate for a few seconds and you’ll literally be able to see the wheels turning in her head, those seconds will feel like hours but stay strong. Keep eye contact and hold the line like Braveheart, remember you’re a closer, this is what separates the men from the boys.
If she says yes, you’re good to go, don’t even bother telling her where you’re going and just lead her back to your place. A lot of times she’ll ask you: “where are we are we going?”, the correct answer is: “my place” delivered in the same neutral, casual tone. When you deliver this statement hold the line and don’t flinch just like you did when you asked her home. Remember, you’re a closer.
As you’re leading her home, it’s really important to keep her comfortable on the way home. I’ve seen girls have complete state changes as their logical brain kicks in, where they start thinking: “I can’t believe I’m going back to this guy’s place” or “I hope he’s not a psycho.”
Keeping the conversation going strong is a good way to put her at ease. As we covered before, this is especially important for the elevator ride in your building and walking down the hallway to your door, as these are the two biggest moments where girls go through state changes.
If she says no, the correct answer is: “no problem” delivered in the exact same tone as above because you’re a cool, cold-blooded player who is outcome independent. Even if you’re upset or angry inside those emotions should never register on your face.
If she sees you upset the chances of you getting her to come over in the future are 0%, also and more importantly is to not show weakness. You’re a man with lots of options, a man who doesn’t get upset over something so small as a girl saying no to you. At this point you can walk to her to her car or the subway, wish her well and tell her you’ll text her, this just further shows that you’re completely unaffected
Now that you’ve got her back to your place, the first thing you should do is take her coat if she has one and hang it up. I always keep an extra hanger next to my jackets for this exact reason. It’s a gentleman’s gesture and is good for retentions.
Remember she feels like she is giving something to you so the more respectful you are towards her the less buyer’s remorse she’s going to have. And, the better she feels about the experience, the more repeat business you’ll have. You should also take off your shoes and get her to take hers off as well. Now you have one less piece of clothing to take off.
In some cases, especially if she’s been pre-screened for being DTF and the vibe is already se_xual, she’s going to be ready to go once she gets back to your place. In fact, you’ll see in the lay reports section of my book that I was fingerbanging one girl before we made it to the elevator.
You can tell if she’s ready to go by how relaxed she is. If she looks relaxed and turned on then you can get started right away by pushing her up against the wall and kissing her, grinding, rubbing her pu$sy, all that fun stuff. In situations like this you can lead her back to the bedroom or just f*ck her up against the wall.
In other cases, if she’s been more reserved or she seems a bit nervous you’re going to have to take your time. Usually it should take at most an hour for her to get comfortable enough to f*ck.
If you’ve got a bachelor pad I suggest not having anywhere to sit except for the bed. If you have a one bedroom or a house, just lead her straight into the bedroom. If she’s nervous she might ask you something like: “where are we going?” Just answer nonchalantly: “the bedroom.”
The Day After Text
Once you’ve f*cked a girl you want to send her a text the next day telling her what a great time you had. It’s the polite thing to do and is extremely important if you want to see her again because it makes her feel she wasn’t “used” for se_x. Now we know from Chapter 1 that se_x is a value-equal exchange, but in her mind it’s not.
Lastly and I hate to have to bring stuff like this up, but when you send a day after text and she responds positively you’ve got an insurance policy against a false rape accusation. Also, make sure that if you do end up drinking that you cut it after two drinks max. I’ve made it a personal rule to never have se_x with a drunk girl and I think you should too. You want her sober and completely accountable for her actions.