- Published: 22 July 2016
- Written by Staff Reporter
You're three glasses of wine deep, his hand is on your thigh and your loins are sizzling like a Portuguese steak. You know this date's going to end with sexy time.
There's just one question: His place or yours?
Personally, I'm all about home-ground advantage. Going to a new guy's house is taking a huge risk. Sure, he might live in a gorgeous home with an infinity pool and a Nespresso machine. But what if he lives in a dingy basement with an illegal monkey named Scratchy? Here are three reaons you should NEVER go to a dude's place for first time sex.
1. BOY BATHROOM
Have you ever been inside a 20-something dude's bathroom? It's basically a Where's Wally? of rogue pubes. There is never any soap and the toilet looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. Just NO!
2. TERRIBLE DECOR
No way, I can climax in a single bed facing a Shawshank poster
3. FEAR FACTOR
Everyone meets online, which means all you really know is that he 'works hard/plays hard' and went to Machu Piccu. He could be a murderer or a Bulls fan for all you know! #FullBodyShivers
RULES FOR FIRST TIME SEX
Rule 1: Don't Jump the Gun
There's no doubt been so much buildup to this moment that you're tempted to skip foreplay and launch right into the part where you insert tab A into slot B. But that's a rookie mistake. So keep things slow and steamy from the get-go. During foreplay, any time his hands start to wander too daringly or it seems like he's going to try to go for the main event, grab his wrists and hold them tight. Then give him a long, drawn-out kiss.
Rule 2: Acknowledge Awkward Moments
Of course we all want to be thought of as a goddess in the sack, so the instinct is to ignore any gawky moments and pray on the kama sutra that he will too. But things will go much more smoothly if you do the opposite.
Rule 3: Say Something Nice
It's a myth that guys are worried about only their own pleasure. In fact, most dudes have a harder time enjoying themselves when they're unsure if their partner is having a good time. And since you're new to him, he doesn't know all your little inaudible signs that you like what he's doing. So it's crucial that you tell him. Just be sure you praise something that really does feel good because he'll file away whatever you say and often incorporate it into future sex sessions (and for God's sake, don't fake any pleasure where there is none. Backtracking from that is not easy).
Rule 4: Hold Back from Getting Crazy Acrobatic
You may have the urge to pull out all your wild sex tricks to show him you know how to get it on, but the first time isn't the right time. Stick with positions that are familiar, feel awesome, and don't require any crazy-ass acrobatics. Then if you want to spice things up, try one little tweak, like touching yourself while he watches.
Rule 5: First get married. Oh, This must have been rule one, kikikikiki