My boyfriend doesn’t want to have lula lula with me. What should I do?

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Dear Aunty Lisa

I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months and we haven’t been inti_mate yet. I am a pretty s_əxual person, so I’ve asked him a few times why he doesn’t want to move further in our relationship.

In the beginning, he told me that his last relationship ended badly and that he hasn’t had s_əx in four years, so he feels uncomfortable. I understood and didn’t bring it up again for a few months. When I asked him again, he said that he’s uncomfortable with s_əx. I asked him what he was uncomfortable with and he didn’t have an answer other than “I don’t know.”

I, once again, let the issue go unanswered for a little while. In our nine months together, we kiss every time we see each other, but we’ve only made out twice. That’s the furthest we’ve gone. When I go to kiss him more than just once or twice, he stops me. He sleeps over my apartment anytime he can, but we just sleep and sometimes cuddle. The most recent time I asked him about our lack of int!macy, I made an assumption about why he doesn’t want to have s_əx with me, and he didn’t disagree.

I had weight loss surgery a few years ago, and am still working very hard at tightening up and meeting my goal weight/body. My assumption was that it was me, that he didn’t find me attractive enough. I was heartbroken and cried myself to sleep. He slept over, and in the morning told me that it was my decision where we should go from here.

I decided that we would stay together and that he would be my support system in attaining my goals. I’m not entirely happy because now I feel like I’m not reaching for my goals just for me … it’s for him too, along with our intimate life. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, but I just don’t know how to move forward and keep my self-confidence high. Do you think I can continue to be with him? How can I express how hurt I feel?


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