Hie Aunty Lisa
I am a regular reader of Aunty Lisa column and I find it interesting. You are doing a great job aunty. My problem goes like so. I got married when I was 20 years old. My partner was 38. I wasn't ready for marriage, but I was in the church and the man was also in the church and he liked me. He made it known to my parents and to my pastor.
I told my mom and dad that I was not ready to settle down. This man told me that he would do everything to make me happy, so I was forced into marriage. He owned a big house in Waterfalls, Harare and had only one daughter who was living with her mother.
We have been married for twelve years. I was a vir_gin when we got married. My parents were poor and they couldn't give me material things but they tried. This man and I never had se_x before we got married. Our first night was a disaster because I was scared of him. He used Vaseline to get his manhood inside of me. He tried to get me to relax, but I couldn't. After a week I felt like going back home, but my mother told me that I had to cleave to my husband and get used to his body.
My husband sent me to college and I have a good job, but he is not ambitious. His English is very bad, and sometimes I am embarrassed to introduce him to my friends. He speaks what many Zimbos call Shonglish. I don't have any children and I want to. I have been to many doctors and they told me nothing is wrong with me. My husband said nothing is wrong with him either because he has a child. He does not want to be tested. I asked him how can he be sure that the child he claims to be his is really his.
I am ashamed to say it, but I have not always been faithful to my husband. I have cheated on him with different guys including my high school ex boyfriend. My husband has not suspected me. I don't want to continue to cheat, but I don't love my husband, and I never did. I am living a lie and I can't continue like this. Please Aunty Lisa give me your advice.