‘My husband did not show his bad ways until after we got married, I’m going through hell’

File: Black woman crying

Dear Aunty Lisa

I am 34 years old. I am going through trials and tribulations. I have two children, one was before I got married to my husband. This man came into the church and fell in love with me. From the first day I invited him to my house, he started to make wedding plans. He said I was the perfect woman. I told him that he should not rush things. He told the pastor that he loves me.

That Sunday after he came to see me, he wanted the whole church to know that he was in love with me. At that time, he did not tell me that he was once married. It was after six months of friendship that he told me that he had something to tell me. When I asked him what it was, he said he was married and his wife went away and divorced him. I told him I did not want to marry any man who is divorced. Anyhow, we discussed the matter with our pastor, and the pastor said I should go ahead because it is not his fault why his wife left him.

This man did not show his bad ways until after we got married. He wanted me to give him cooked food for breakfast every morning .

He did not tell me what his salary was. He hid his pay slips from me. Everything we did we split 50-50. Whatever he wants in the relationship, that is what I must do.

I remember the first time my husband and I made love. I had to remind him that my daughter was in the next room. He wanted me to open up and he was using ‘bad words’ when he was telling me what to do. I got up and went to my daughter’s room; it seemed as if she was sleeping. But to be sure she wasn’t listening, I took the radio from the kitchen and brought it into the bedroom and turned it up. I could not get my husband to learn to keep quiet, and when I spoke to him, he did not seem to care and was blaming me.

My husband is 50 years old. I am too embarrassed to tell my pastor what is going on, but I am not happy. This man does not have a home. I don’t know how much money he has in the bank. When would we be able to buy a home? How can I find out what he has?

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