Dear Aunty Lisa
There’s something which is troubling me in my mind. I have been dating a girl for eight months. She is 23 and I am 27. I am an attractive guy, and have had many opportunities to have s3x before this relationship, but I always believed that s3x is something that should be experienced only in marriage, and I still believe this.
As our relationship grew, we became closer and closer to each other, and we both fell in love with each other. I honestly thought I had found the girl I was going to marry.
However, as time passed, we became more and more physical with each other, and last month, we had lula lula. Prior to having s3x, I had asked her multiple times throughout our relationship if she had ever had s3x, and every single time she would say that she had not, and that she was a virg!n.
About a week after we had s3x, I asked her again, she got really quiet and said that she had to tell me something. She went on to tell me that when she was 16 she had s3x with her boyfriend of five months.
She said that they broke up shortly thereafter, and that they only did it once, and that she just laid there, and that she just turned over on her side and cried afterwards because of how bad she felt about what she had done. She said that for a year after, she struggled to get over it, and that she had considered herself a virg!n when we had s3x.
But because she lied to me about being a virg!n in the first place, and don’t really know if I can believe that they only had s3x once or that she was just infatuated with him, as she claims, rather than in love with him.
This completely broke my heart, I can’t accurately describe how I feel, but it’s a feeling of betrayal, anger, jealousy and just utter disappointment. I get a literal physical pain in my stomach when I think about it. It really tears me up that she shared this bond with someone else, that someone else was inside of her, it just kills me. And then the fact that she lied to me so many times about it, hurts as well. She knew how important this was to me because I told her several times in the couple weeks before we had s3x of how important this experience we were going to share was, and how important it was that she tell me if she had ever been with another guy.
For the past three weeks, I have been struggling with my emotions over this, and I guess what I came here to ask is, should I just break up with her, or try to work through this? I don’t know if I can trust anything she says.