Almost a year after gospel star Sfiso Ncwane's untimely death, his widow Ayanda is still keenly feeling the loss – but she's staying strong and moving forward. She's the host of Talk, Tea & Tissues, a talk show that focuses on women, the pain they've experienced and how they've overcome hardship.
"Girl, if you think you are going through stuff, wait until you hear what other women deal with each day," she said in the runup to the show.
And no one is better equipped to host the show, which airs on One Gospel, DStv Channel 331, than Ayanda Ncwane. Since December last year the 32-year-old mom of two has experienced the depths of grief and is still battling to come to terms with the fact that the love of her life will never walk through the front door again.
It's been 10 months since her husband, Sfiso Ncwane, died suddenly of kidney failure and in the midst of the turmoil of this year there is one thing she knows for sure: she will never marry again.
"Bab Ncwane wasn't perfect but he loved me so much. When the thought of marriage invades my mind I just ignore it because I don't think there will ever be anyone who could love me more than my husband did. I also believe we have only one soul mate," she says.
The couple would have celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary in June and Ayanda spent the day under the covers, unable to face the world.
"I closed the curtains, locked myself in my bedroom and slept the whole day. I didn't want to see the sun or see anyone," she says.
She and Sfiso always said they'd have a huge celebration when they reached the milestone.
"When we got married, we didn't have much money, so our wedding wasn't what we wanted it to be," Ayanda says. We decided we were going to do it all over again and renew our vows after 10 years."
When Sfiso died, they had already booked the venue for their second wedding and her wedding gown was being made, she says. They had also hoped to celebrate the anniversary with a baby, hopefully a little girl who could be a little sister to sons Ngcweti (14) and Mawenza (9).
"We had been trying for a baby. He said he wanted a daughter who looked like me," she says. "I wish he'd kept his semen stored in a lab or something. It would have been my wish to give him the daughter he wanted."
Ayanda says she isn't the only person missing her man – people reach out to her everywhere she goes.
"From security guards at the estate where we live to people I meet in the street – they all speak to me. I am their comfort. And talking about him helps me deal with losing him," she says as she twists her wedding ring.