SOCIALITE Jackie Ngarande yesterday took her Facebook followers through a tortuous 23-minute journey, after going live, as she contemplated suicide.
The philanthropist went live on her Facebook page lamenting how she was not being appreciated for everything that she does.
Ngarande, who was crying hysterically throughout the 23-minute live video, said she wanted to die so that she could rest in peace.
Her live video attracted more than 5 000 viewers, who were consoling her, praying for her and advising her not to take her life.
Ngarande said she was tired of people who judge her by her past.
“I just want to die and rest,” she said.
“Most of you here come to me with your own problems.
“You make me a superhero for solving other people’s problems.
“But, the truth is I don’t have anybody who I sit with, share my problems with and who listens to me.
“In your eyes, I am this Jackie, the superhero that assists the needy.
“I have people who have been on my neck, reminding me of the mistakes that I have made in the past.
“I have tried everything I can and I have asked people for forgiveness.
“It pains me that I have to be judged everyday by my past mistakes, it’s not fair and I can’t continue to live like this.”
Ngarande added that she has been ordered not to speak to her friends.
“I have friends who love me like Breeda but right now I don’t talk to her because I was told not to talk to her,” she said.
Ngarande revealed that she has been in a very abusive and toxic situation for the past year.
“I am tired, you have no idea of what I have been through, there is nothing as painful in life as how people ignore one’s efforts, no matter how much you try,” she said.
“Yesterday (Tuesday), I put a post on IG (Instagram) that said I just want 1 000 roses delivered, I want to feel special again.
“I meant what I said because I felt that this year, from January up to now, I have lost myself, I have lost myself trying to please other people.
“I don’t even know what I like as a person but all I do is to please other people, I feel like committing suicide today.
“Ndaneta, enough is enough.”
Ngarande said she had told her brother what to do in the event she dies.
“Take care of the family, I have failed my family,” she said.
“Please bury me close to our father, on his left side.
“I have left everything where you can easily see them, I am tired. Guys forgive me.”