BEITBRIDGE — Well, well, well, fellow Zimbabweans, please fasten your laughing seat belts, we are about to take-off!
It is now end of the road for Edmore Baloyi, who has been Beitbridge’s ‘most popular’ drug dealer. His reign as the local ‘supplier of good times’ hit a massive speed hump when some not-so-friendly detectives crashed his ganja party at Wamulala River, near Mangava Business Centre, finding him with enough ‘herbal refreshments’ to stock a small festival.
The drama unfolded around 6:30 PM, all thanks to some big-mouthed gossip mongers who spilled the beans to the police about a ‘men’s wellness retreat’ involving illicit substances down by the river. What started as a chill evening quickly morphed into a live-action ‘Cops and Robbers’ episode. Our man Baloyi, clearly not a fan of surprise guests in uniform, saw the fuzz, dropped his ‘risky goods’ satchel, and bolted like he had just remembered he left the stove on. Apparently, he forgot that police officers actually train for this stuff – like, running and catching people is literally in their job description. He supposedly had forgotten that running daily was part of their 6-months training when they joined the police force.
So, these detectives were not about to let him win the unofficial yet very crucial Beitbridge Marathon. They channeled their inner Usain Bolts, quickly reeled him in, and then, like a treasure hunt, returned to his abandoned ganja satchel. Bingo! One hundred sachets of mbanje, just chilling there. Baloyi was promptly escorted to the Beitbridge Regional Court, where his ‘freedom run’ earned him an eight-month vacation behind bars, all expenses paid by the state, including food and accommodation!
However, Regional Magistrate Mbonisi Kaweni, feeling a bit generous, shaved three months off, leaving Baloyi with a solid five-month ‘time-out’ mingling with prison guards and fellow community trouble-causers. So much for being the ‘familiar figure’ of Wamulala River; now he’ll just be familiar with prison walls. Shoutout to State Proseculor Victor Gorejena, who clearly aced his ‘Prosecution for Dummies’ course.
Turns out, Baloyi isn’t the only ‘celebrity’ whose side hustle went sideways. Zimbabwe’s ‘Who’s Who of drugs’ is getting longer, featuring everyone from football stars to music maestros. These drug busts are popping up everywhere – from the VIP sections of stadiums to dodgy hotel rooms and even on major highways. Police are basically playing ‘Where’s the stuff?’ with illegal substances, finding everything from tiny baggies of crystal meth (the ‘mutoriro’ that makes you question your life choices) to entire pharmacies’ worth of cough syrup and enough mbanje to tranquilize a small herd of elephants.
Speaking of big busts, let’s talk about former football legends Abbas Amidu and Reuben Mhlanga. These guys, who once dazzled on the pitch for Zimbabwe’s top clubs (Amidu even played for Kaizer Chiefs in South Africa), decided to try a new ‘career path’ with quick returns – drug dealing. It didn’t end with a trophy. Instead, they each bagged a whopping 12-year stay in the heavily-guarded big house! Apparently, their ‘public eye’ status from their football days just made them easier to spot when they were caught with over 750kg of mbanje – that’s like, a small mountain of the stuff – on the Harare-Bulawayo highway. Police then dropped their classic line: ‘Crime does not pay!’ Clearly, these guys skipped that memo. It really highlights the difference between Baloyi’s ‘snack-sized’ 100 sachets and these guys’ ‘bulk order for a small nation’ operation.
Then there’s Jerry Chipangura, ex-Harare City striker, who got 14 months for his own ‘drug dealing’ escapade. He was busted in New Mabvuku with a suspiciously small black Adidas bag containing 40g of crystal meth, or ‘mutoriro’ if you’re feeling fancy. Good news though: he apparently got out early for good behavior and went back to playing football. Maybe he learned his lesson about what not to keep in his gym bag.
Winston Mhango, from ZPC Kariba, also had a ‘home invasion’ by the police. They found 4.7kg of mbanje, a ‘mini-and-personal pharmacy’ of Benylin and Broncleer cough syrups (because who needs a prescription when you have a dealer?), plus all the DIY packaging tools. Mhango got bail, so his story is still TBD, but hey, another footballer on the ‘naughty list’!
The music scene isn’t immune to these ‘unfortunate events’ either. Zimdancehall artist Ras Pompy (his mother named him Nyasha Reginald Mano) got a six-month gig in jail for having ‘illegal medicines.’ His arrest involved a high-speed chase worthy of a music video, where his black Honda Fit (the unofficial drug-delivery vehicle of choice, apparently) tried to outrun the cops, only to end its express-delivery career in a dramatic collision with a metal pole. Inside the logistics vehicle, police found a treasure trove of cough syrups – 24 Broncleers, 20 Benylins, and 55 Astra Pain syrups. That’s a lot of ‘coughing’ going on! He got six months, but is currently out on bail, probably planning his next hit… song, that is.
Rapper Ti Gonzi (Tinashe Gonzara) also had a bad day when he decided to treat a red robot as a suggestion and drove past it without a driver’s license. That was indeed a classic combo! A quick car search by the police revealed some mbanje and more Broncleer. He got 10 months (eight effective after a ‘good behavior’ discount) plus fines. So, Zimbos, remember: don’t cross red robots, get a license, and maybe don’t keep your ‘stash’ in the car.
Shinsoman (Tinashe Romeo Anthony) got off a bit lighter. He was busted in January 2026 chilling with four friends, enjoying some weed – as usual, supposedly. He pleaded guilty, paid a cool US$200 fine (pocket change for a celeb, right?), and got a suspended sentence. Basically, a slap on the wrist and a stern warning: ‘Don’t do it again, or else!’
Even the fashion world isn’t safe! Model Tumelo Nare got 15 months for a hotel room incident involving a tiny 0.2g of cocaine. Her friend, Precious Bango, was also apparently part of this ‘glamorous’ bust. Proof that even models can have bad days.
But wait, there’s a plot twist! Zimdancehall artist Blot (identified as Takura Chioniso if you ask the guys from the Register-General’s office) actually walked free! He was accused of having 1.15g of crystal meth in a parked car, but the state couldn’t prove it. So, he literraly got to tell the court, ‘Nah, not mine!’ and went on his merry way. Sometimes, even the fuzz gets it wrong.
It’s not just celebs, guys! Even truck drivers are getting in on the action. Dzikamai Chimunda, a truck driver, was pulled over on the Masvingo-Beitbridge highway with a truckload of Broncleer, Astra syrup, and 20kg of mbanje. But get this – he pulled a Houdini! While being escorted, he apparently decided a moving police truck was the perfect escape pod, jumped out near Nyanda, and vanished into the forest. Talk about a dramatic exit! Police are now playing hide-and-seek with him, but then he is no-where to be found!
So, while some are still playing forest hide-and-seek, poor Baloyi wasn’t so lucky in Beitbridge. His riverbank sprint ended with him losing his ‘risky goods’ and gaining a five-month vacation stay behind bars.
Lesson learned: being ‘popular’ on the streets might get you customers, but it also puts a giant target on your back for the cops. From river parties to highway hauls, the script is always the same: someone snitches, cops swoop in, “masinhi” will get seized, and then it’s ‘straight to jail. Baloyi’s ‘tears’ are just one drop in an ocean of celebrity drug busts shaking up everything from football to fashion. So, next time you think about a ‘side hustle,’ maybe stick to selling mabhero or something else. Because when the detectives show up, My Zimbabwe News won’t hesitate to add your incident to this ever-growing list. If you don’t want it published, don’t let it happen!