HELP! How do I choose my lifetime partner between my soldier and teacher boyfriends?


Dear Aunty Lisa,

My name is Tinotenda and I am writing to you from Mutare, Zimbabwe seeking your wise advice. I find myself in need of some guidance regarding my l0ve life.

I am currently in a position where I have to choose between two suitors, both of whom I truly care about and can see a future with. The first is a teacher named Zibusiso. We share many interests and he is respectful, hardworking, and intelligent.

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The second is a soldier named Farai. He is brave, loyal, and has a good heart. We share a strong physical connection and he showers me with affection.

Both Zibusiso and Farai treat me well and want to build a life with me. But I am struggling to decide which path to take. As a woman, I value security, stability, and an equal partnership in marriage. Yet I also want to follow my heart.

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Aunty Lisa, as someone wiser and more experienced than me, I seek your wise counsel. What should I consider most important in choosing a lifelong partner? And how can I determine which suitor would be the best match for me, even if both men have good qualities?

Please share any insights you have gained over the years about the most important factors in finding a compatible partner and things I should reflect on to make a decision that I won’t later regret. Your response will be of great help at this important crossroads in my life, as I seek to choose a partner who will walk patiently by my side through all of life’s joys and hardships.

Thank you for taking the time to give me your wise advice, Aunty Lisa. I appreciate any guidance you can offer that will help illuminate the right path forward for me.

Wishing you the very best,

Your loving niece,



Aunty Lisa responds:

My dear Tinotenda,

It sounds like you have two wonderful suitors who both care for you deeply. However, choosing between them is certainly a difficult decision. Here are some things I suggest reflecting on:

1) Shared values and goals: Think about which match aligns more closely with your priorities and ambitions in life. Do you and Zibusiso/Farai share the same ideals and dreams for the future?

2) Communication and understanding: Which suitor listens to you attentively and seeks to understand your perspectives and needs? Active communication is key to any healthy relationship.

3) Personality and lifestyle fit: Consider which personality and lifestyle fit more harmoniously with yours. Can you imagine easily adapting your routines to suit each other? Shared compatibility makes lasting unions.

4) Family planning and goals: If children are in your future plans, discuss your desires around family size, roles and expectations. Does either match share similar goals that you could meet together?

5) Practical matters: also think about financial compatibility, religious beliefs, approaches to conflict, and more. Shared practical ideals create stability.

Ultimately, follow your heart – but also your mind. Look for a partner who shares your core values, compliments your personality, and desires the same major life goals. Someone who listens carefully and communicates openly. A match built on solid shared foundations is most likely to lead to happiness and lifelong fulfilment.

Weigh each suitor fairly against these priorities. Discuss your concerns openly with them. The right choice will become clear when you find a partner who meets not just your emotional needs, but all aspects of what you seek in a companion for life’s journey.

I hope this advice is helpful, my dear Tinotenda. Please write again if you have any other questions. I wish you all the very best in finding true and lasting l0ve.

Much l0ve,

Aunty Lisa

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