I found suspicious messages in hubby’s phone: How can I approach him gently to get to the truth?

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Dear Aunty Lisa,

I am writing to you as a young Zimbabwean woman seeking advice on a troubling situation. I recently discovered incriminating messages in my husband’s phone from another woman.

I was charging his phone when a message notification popped up from a woman I did not recognize. Out of curiosity, I opened the message thread and was sh0cked to see flirtɑti0us and intimɑte exchanges between them, including discussions of meeting up in person.

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When confronted, my husband denied having an ɑffɑir but would not explain the messages. He accused me of not trusting him and invading his privacy.

Aunty Lisa, I do not want to make accusations without cause but the messages seem damning. However, I also value my marriɑge and do not want to lose my husbɑnd without just reason. As a young wife, I do not know how to properly handle this situation.

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Do you have any advice on how I should approach my husband about these messages? Is there a way for me to determine the truth of the situation while also protecting my marriɑge? I do not wish to create conflict if there is a reasonable explanation, but I also cannot condone infidel!ty.

Any wisdom you could offer would be greatly appreciated. I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours hopefully,

A Worried Wife

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Aunty Lisa responds:

Dear Worried Wife,

I’m sorry you’re going through this troubling situation. Finding those suggestive messages understandably raised suspicions and hurt your trust in your husbɑnd.

However, rushing to conclusions will only breed more anger and resentment. The best thing now is to have an open, honest discussion with your husbɑnd from a place of calm.

Explain that while you respect his privacy, the messages concerned you. Tell him you value your marriɑge and want to resolve any issues together as a team. Reaffirm your l0ve for him and willingness to work through difficulties.

If he still denies an affair, ask him kindly but firmly to explain the nature of his relɑtionship with this woman and why their messages concerned you. If he refuses to explain or be transparent, that raises further cause for worry.

Ultimately, trust is the foundation of any healthy marriɑge. If your husband has been unfaithful, he needs to own up to it with sincerity and remorse for you to move forward together. Secrecy and deception will only breed more mistrust.

For now, focus on communicating your feelings calmly and listening openly to his responses. Hold off on accusations until you have a more complete picture of the truth. With compassion, honesty and transparency, you both may be able to overcome this challenge and strengthen your bond.

Please do write back if you have any other questions. I wish you wisdom and peace in finding the answers you seek.

Warmest regards,

Aunty Lisa


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