Dear Aunty Lisa,
My name is Yvette. I am a 23 year old woman from Zimbabwe. I have been in a relati0nship with my b0yfriend for 3 years now. He is a good man and treats me well, which is why I want to mɑrry him.
The problem is that he does not have a stable job and income. He struggles financially month to month. My parents are now asking for lobola to allow our mɑrriage, but my b0yfriend cannot afford it on his own.
He has asked me to lend him the money for lobola, promising to pay me back gradually after we wed.
I am worried about lending such a large sum of money. While I trust my b0yfriend, I am not sure if he will be able to pay me back anytime soon given his financial situation. I also do not want money to become a constant source of conflict between us after mɑrriage.
Aunty Lisa, what should I do? Should I lend my b0yfriend the money for lobola? Or is there a better way for us to move forward that doesn’t involve me lending such a large amount?
I would appreciate any wisdom you can share. Mɑrriage is my dream, but I want to make sure we build a strong and healthy relati0nship without stress over finances.
Please help guide me on what to do. I look forward to your response and advice.
Aunty Lisa responds:
My dear Yvette,
I understand your wish to get mɑrried and build a life with the man you l0ve. However, lending your b0yfriend money to pay lobola is not a good idea. Here are some reasons why:
• It could strain your relati0nship. Money issues are a leading cause of arguments and resentment in relati0nships. Lending a large sum can create an imbalance that is difficult to overcome.
• It may not solve the underlying issue. If your b0yfriend is struggling financially now, that may not change after you lend him money for lobola. He needs a sustainable income and financial stability of his own.
• You risk not getting repaid. There is a chance you may never see that money again once you give it to him. You have to be prepared for that possibility.
• It could set a concerning precedent. Lending him money now for lobola may lead him to expect you to help financially in the future as well, for other wedding costs or general household expenses.
• There are better ways to show your commitment. Lending money should not be a requirement to prove your l0ve and desire to marry him. Your emotional support and patience as he works to improve his finances can be just as meaningful.
My advice is to avoid lending him money for now. Focus instead on supporting him in developing a stable income and getting his finances in order. Mɑrriage should be built on mutual l0ve, trust and respect – not money lending between partners.
If he is the right man for you, he will understand your reasons for not lending the money. With time, patience and communication, you both can work together to build a healthy foundation for mɑrriage and life as a couple. I wish you the very best.
Hope this advice helps! Please let me know if you have any other questions.