Dear Aunty Lisa,
I hope this missive finds you well. Something has been weighing heavily on my mind lately and I was hoping you could offer me some advice. I recently discovered that my wife has a secret child that she never told me about. Apparently, she had the child before we met, and she gave it up for adoption. I had no idea that this had ever happened, and I feel hurt and betrayed that my wife kept such a big secret from me.
I don’t know what to do or how to feel about this. On the one hand, I understand that my wife’s past is her own business and she has a right to her privacy. But on the other hand, I feel like this is something that I should have been told about before we got married. I don’t know if I can trust my wife anymore, and I’m worried that there might be other secrets that she’s keeping from me.
What should I do, Aunty Lisa? How can I come to terms with this revelation and move forward in my marriage?
Aunty Lisa responds:
Thank you for reaching out to me for advice. It’s understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by your wife’s decision to keep a secret child from you. It’s important to approach this situation with sensitivity and understanding, while also acknowledging your own feelings and needs.
It’s possible that your wife had her own reasons for keeping this information from you, such as shame or fear of judgment. However, as you mentioned, trust is an important foundation of any relɑtionship, and it’s natural to feel a sense of betrayal when such a big secret is revealed.
The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about how you feel. Let her know that you are hurt and confused by this revelation, but also try to listen to her perspective and understand why she made the decision to keep this information from you. It’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and a desire to understand, rather than anger and blame.
From there, you can work together to rebuild trust and move forward in your marriɑge. This might involve seeking the help of a therapist or counselor, who can provide guidance and support as you navigate this challenging situation.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide whether you can forgive your wife and move forward in your marriɑge. It’s important to take the time to process your feelings and make a decision that feels right for you. Remember that relɑtionships are built on communication, trust, and mutual respect, and it’s possible to overcome even the biggest challenges if both partners are willing to work together.
Best of luck,