PLEASE HELP: My mother wants me to marry a village girl but my heart desires an urban one


Dear Aunty Lisa,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. I find myself in a dilemma and would greatly appreciate your wise counsel and guidance.

Recently, my mother has been urging me to consider marrying a girl from a rural background. She holds traditional values and believes that a rural girl would be more suitable as a life partner. However, I have different aspirations and find myself drawn towards an urban girl who shares my modern outlook and lifestyle preferences.

While I deeply respect my mother’s opinions and want to honour our cultural traditions, I also want to choose a partner with whom I can share a deep connection and common interests. I believe that an urban girl would better understand my ambitions, career goals, and the fast-paced life that I am accustomed to.

I am torn between the desire to make my mother happy and the need to follow my heart. I fear that going against my mother’s wishes may strain our relationship, but at the same time, I do not want to compromise my own happiness and compatibility in a lifelong commitment.

Aunty Lisa, I seek your wise words and experience to help me navigate this delicate situation. How can I approach this conversation with my mother? How can I find a balance between honouring tradition and pursuing my own happiness? Are there any compromises or alternative solutions that could bridge the gap between my desires and my mother’s expectations?

Thank you for your invaluable guidance, Aunty Lisa. Your advice will truly help me make an informed decision and navigate this challenging family dynamic.

Warm regards,


Dear Norman,

I appreciate you opening up to me about your predicament and trusting me with your concerns. It’s essential to approach matters of the heart and family with care and sensitivity. Here is my advice on handling the situation:

1. Communication is key

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your mother. Express your love and respect for her while explaining your desires and reasons for preferring an urban partner. Ensure that your tone is respectful and understanding, emphasizing that your decision is not a reflection of any lack of appreciation for your cultural roots.

2. Seek common ground

Look for shared values and qualities that both you and your mother prioritize in a life partner. Highlight the qualities you admire in an urban girl and how they align with the values cherished by your mother. This can help bridge the gap between rural and urban backgrounds and showcase the potential for compatibility.

3. Educate and involve

Introduce your mother to the urban lifestyle and the positive aspects you perceive in an urban partner. Encourage her to meet and interact with individuals from diverse backgrounds, providing her with an opportunity to understand and appreciate different perspectives.

4. Compromise and understanding

Be willing to consider compromises that honor both your desires and your mother’s expectations. It may be possible to find a partner who embodies qualities important to your mother while also having an urban upbringing or mindset. Finding common ground and mutual understanding is crucial for maintaining harmony within the family.

5. Patience and time

Change takes time, and it may require patience to gradually shift your mother’s perspective. Avoid rushing or pressuring her to accept your viewpoint immediately. Continued open communication, respect, and understanding will help foster a more accepting environment for your choices.

Remember, every family dynamic is unique, and the path to resolution may vary. Ultimately, the key is to approach the situation with love, respect, and a genuine desire to find a solution that brings happiness to all parties involved.

Wishing you the best in finding a harmonious resolution, dear Norman. May your journey be filled with understanding and love.

Warm regards,

Aunty Lisa

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