I just found out that my girlfriǝnd is not a virg1n but I am. What should I do?


Dear Aunty Lisa,

I hope this letter finds you in good health and high spirits. I am writing to seek your wise counsel regarding a matter that has been weighing heavily on my mind, as I trust your experience and knowledge in guiding me through this delicate situation.

Recently, I discovered that my girlfriǝnd, whom I have been with for a significant period of time, is not a virg!n. Although I understand that it is her personal history and past choices, I find that this revelation has left me conflicted about the future of our relati0nship.

On the one hand, I deeply care for my girlfriǝnd and cherish the bond we have created. Together, we have shared endless moments of l0ve, support, respect, and happiness. However, on the other hand, as traditional values hold considerable importance to me, the notion of mɑrrying someone who has previously engaged in intimɑte relɑtionships does give me pause.

Aunty Lisa, I come to you humbly seeking guidance on whether I should allow this discovery to influence my decision to mɑrry my girlfriǝnd or not. I am well aware that no one can make this decision for me, but I believe an objective perspective from someone with experience could help me navigate this situation more effectively.

I understand that l0ve and relɑtionships are not solely defined by a person’s past, but rather the understanding, commitment, and trust that exist in the present and future. Nonetheless, I struggle to overcome the cultural and personal expectations that have been ingrained within me.

Is it fair to allow my girlfriǝnd’s past to hold such significant weight in determining our future together? Should I prioritize the l0ve and connection we share, or is it sensible to let societal expectations dictate my decision?

Your insights into these matters would be immensely appreciated, Aunty Lisa. Please, share your wisdom and help me gain clarity on how to proceed with this relɑtionship. I am earnestly thankful for any advice you can offer.

Yours sincerely,



Aunty Lisa responds:

Dear Tonde

Thank you for reaching out to me and entrusting me with your concerns. I understand that grappling with the discovery of your girlfriǝnd’s previous experiences can be challenging and cause conflicting emotions. Please remember that my advice is based on my experience, and ultimately the decision lies with you.

First and foremost, it is crucial to reflect on the values and beliefs that matter most to you. While it is perfectly acceptable to hold traditional values close, it is equally essential to approach this situation with an open mind and a willingness to understand your girlfriǝnd’s perspective.

Consider evaluating the strength of your relɑtionship beyond the aspect of virg!nity. Reflect on the l0ve, trust, and shared experiences that have culminated in the bond you both share. Remember that the foundation of a strong and lasting mɑrriɑge extends far beyond one’s ƨǝxuɑl history.

Communication is fundamental in this situation. Have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriǝnd about your feelings and concerns. She deserves to be heard, and it is crucial to listen to her perspective as well. This dialogue can help foster understanding, while also enabling her to address any concerns you may have.

Furthermore, it might be helpful to question the source of your reservations. Are societal expectations and personal insecurities driving your doubts? Take a moment to reflect on whether these concerns genuinely stem from your own convictions or if they are influenced by external factors.

Ultimately, you must evaluate whether your l0ve and connection with your girlfriǝnd outweigh your concerns regarding her past experiences. Consider if you can fully embrace and accept her for who she is, letting go of any judgment or preconceived notions.

Regardless of the decision you make, do so with compassion and kindness. Keep in mind that nobody is perfect, and we all come with our own unique experiences that shape who we are. It is through empathy, understanding, and unconditional l0ve that relɑtionships can thrive and grow stronger.

I hope my advice has provided you with some guidance as you contemplate your future with your girlfriǝnd. Remember, it is your happiness and fulfilment that matter most in this journey. Trust your instincts and make a decision that aligns with your values and allows you to find true happiness.

With warm regards,

Aunty Lisa

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