Dear Aunty Lisa
I have been happily married for more than two years, but everything changed when I gave birth to our daughter last year and discovered that my husband was having an ɑffɑir with a younger woman who was prǝgnant.
When I confronted him about it, he dismissed it as vicious rumours aimed at destroying our mɑrriɑgǝ.
However, just four days ago, he sh0cked me by telling me that he wants to take a second wife. This has left me utterly devastated and broken. I never imagined that I would have to live in a polygamous mɑrriɑgǝ.
Aunty Lisa Responds:
Your situation is undoubtedly difficult and upsetting. You have every right to feel broken hearted after discovering your husband’s infidelity and now his desire to take a second wife.
However, do not lose hope. You are strong and worthy of respect. While your husband has made choices that have hurt you, you still have agency and power over your own life.
I recommend having an open and honest conversation with your husband. Tell him how much his affair and proposal have wounded you. Ask why he wants to take a second wife and what that would mean for your marriage. Listen sincerely to understand his perspective while also being firm that monogamy is non-negotiable for you.
If he refuses to commit solely to you and your daughter, then you have a choice to make. Only you can decide if you are willing to stay in a polygamous marriage or leave to find a relationship built on trust, faithfulness and equality. Either way, put your and your daughter’s wellbeing first.
Seeking support from loved ones, a therapist or community groups can help you process these difficult emotions and figure out the best path forward. You are not alone. Stay strong and remember your self-worth. Make the choice that feels right for you. You’ve got this.
Wishing you peace and clarity,